Chris, starring in the feature film Central Intelligence
Welcome to the Week 12 recap. We’re nearly there, the moment most of us have been waiting for all year, it is nearly time for the playoffs….playoffs? Don’t talk about the playoffs, the moment we’re waiting for is next week! We are all in for a treat as Chris aka heavyweight Kevin Hart, aka Dark Chocolate Dane Cook (not to be confused with Dalvin Cook, no offers Daniel), aka the Cheetah King comes live action like the Lion King in the final regular season recap of 2018. His recap should leave you crying like we all will when we see Mufasa die in 4k HD.
Erik Orge Section:
Daniel- Fantasy gods called, they said your team will continue to be a 20 man IR until you pay up.
Daniel- Fantasy gods called, they said your team will continue to be a 20 man IR until you pay up.
Erik's face when you ask him for his fantasy dues
MATCHUPS:
Gabe after breaking the scoring record three straight weeks
Oh Saquon you See(247.91) vs J Dalvin (141.88)
Imagine putting up a respectable 140 points and still losing by over 100. Karma for not paying dues yet?
For the third straight week, the single week scoring record has been broken. This week the single season scoring record was also crushed and there is still a week left before the record is set. The Drew Brees of the league still has to look up at Brady, Chad, who sits 2 games above him in first place at 11-1. Daniel got a respectable 101.28 fps out of his 5 double digit scorers this week, however it didn’t really compare to Gabe’s entire roster scoring in double figures. Gabe’s worst player was Kamara with 10.37 fps. Cousins, Cooper, Juju, Zeke, and Barkley combined for 163.28 points which alone would have beat every team in the league this week. Daniel did leave 90.66 fps on the bench, but even if he played his optimal lineup he would have still lost by a large margin. Doesn’t get much easier for Daniel next week as he faces the struggling reigning champs. Gabe takes on Amine who hasn’t broken 103 fps in 3 of the past 4 weeks.
Gabe Week 12 Grade: A+, He smashed his record for the 2nd straight week, set the new season record, and is getting to watch Chad implode his team from within, Gabe is happy.
Daniel Week 12 Grade: A-, He left a lot of points on his bench but still put up the 4th most in the league. A playoff birth looks out of reach. Fantasy gods listed what Daniel must do to rebound next year; dues need to be paid, cocaine needs to be made, and your man bun needs to be cut off. All in all a rough season after reaching the finals last year.
Imagine putting up a respectable 140 points and still losing by over 100. Karma for not paying dues yet?
For the third straight week, the single week scoring record has been broken. This week the single season scoring record was also crushed and there is still a week left before the record is set. The Drew Brees of the league still has to look up at Brady, Chad, who sits 2 games above him in first place at 11-1. Daniel got a respectable 101.28 fps out of his 5 double digit scorers this week, however it didn’t really compare to Gabe’s entire roster scoring in double figures. Gabe’s worst player was Kamara with 10.37 fps. Cousins, Cooper, Juju, Zeke, and Barkley combined for 163.28 points which alone would have beat every team in the league this week. Daniel did leave 90.66 fps on the bench, but even if he played his optimal lineup he would have still lost by a large margin. Doesn’t get much easier for Daniel next week as he faces the struggling reigning champs. Gabe takes on Amine who hasn’t broken 103 fps in 3 of the past 4 weeks.
Gabe Week 12 Grade: A+, He smashed his record for the 2nd straight week, set the new season record, and is getting to watch Chad implode his team from within, Gabe is happy.
Daniel Week 12 Grade: A-, He left a lot of points on his bench but still put up the 4th most in the league. A playoff birth looks out of reach. Fantasy gods listed what Daniel must do to rebound next year; dues need to be paid, cocaine needs to be made, and your man bun needs to be cut off. All in all a rough season after reaching the finals last year.
Both teams after trading their best players to rebuild
Gabe Raped Me (111.24) vs AfricanThunderCocks (89.44)
Scott ends his 5 game skid while putting Amine on his 3rd straight L.
After putting up 1,094.25 fps through the first 8 weeks, Amine has only been able to put up 397.47 over the past 4. That leaves him with 0 chance at the playoffs and a bevy of picks to look forward to next season. Only thing left to look forward to this season is the recap from the Black Jeff Foxworthy. Scott still has a shot at the playoffs, but needs to continue his winning ways if he looks to stay in it after his 5-1 start. Unfortunately, Scott is more like Plaxico Burress, and any shot he gets ends up in his own leg. Both teams combined for 9 double digit scorers, 2 less than Gabe had this week. Both teams combined for 200.68 fps, or 47 less than Gabe this week. Scott is beginning to wonder if MVS was really worth a first, but is super happy Golladay aka Babytron is on his squad. Amine traded away Ertz and AB so his team is a shell of what it once was, however he has Guice, KJ, and the most draft picks in the league going forward.
Scott Week 12 Grade: D+, Barely broke 110 and on the brink of missing the playoffs after fighting for the top seed the first half of the season. Scott needs to hit on all of his draft picks next year.
Amine Week 12 Grade: F-, Amine decided to go all out and tank this year, doing it the right way by playing his best guys and still putting up 89.44 fps, take notes Corey.
Scott ends his 5 game skid while putting Amine on his 3rd straight L.
After putting up 1,094.25 fps through the first 8 weeks, Amine has only been able to put up 397.47 over the past 4. That leaves him with 0 chance at the playoffs and a bevy of picks to look forward to next season. Only thing left to look forward to this season is the recap from the Black Jeff Foxworthy. Scott still has a shot at the playoffs, but needs to continue his winning ways if he looks to stay in it after his 5-1 start. Unfortunately, Scott is more like Plaxico Burress, and any shot he gets ends up in his own leg. Both teams combined for 9 double digit scorers, 2 less than Gabe had this week. Both teams combined for 200.68 fps, or 47 less than Gabe this week. Scott is beginning to wonder if MVS was really worth a first, but is super happy Golladay aka Babytron is on his squad. Amine traded away Ertz and AB so his team is a shell of what it once was, however he has Guice, KJ, and the most draft picks in the league going forward.
Scott Week 12 Grade: D+, Barely broke 110 and on the brink of missing the playoffs after fighting for the top seed the first half of the season. Scott needs to hit on all of his draft picks next year.
Amine Week 12 Grade: F-, Amine decided to go all out and tank this year, doing it the right way by playing his best guys and still putting up 89.44 fps, take notes Corey.
Picture of Chad after trading Sony and Juju
Saved by Odell (134.98) vs The Hart Foundation (134.42)
In the closest matchup of the week, Chad pulled it off in a smaller margin of victory than the amount of money in Daniel’s bank account.
Chris was looking to make it 3 straight and fuck up the standings, but a Keke Coutee was one catch away from that being possible. Led by 7 players in double figures, Chad was able to pull this one off by the slimmest of margins. Chris only had 4 players in double figures, but Jackson and McCaffrey combined for 64.92 fps helping him stay in it. Just four short weeks ago, Chad faced off in a matchup vs juggernauts with a 1316.53-1146.08 lead in season long points over Gabe. Since then Chad has scored 547.9 to Gabe’s 868.78, and relinquished that lead by nearly 150 fps. Since trading away Sony, Juju, Cooks, and Cohen he has seen a drop from roughly 150 fps per week to 130fps per week. While bye weeks played a factor, this led to Chad overhauling his even squad further. Trading away arguably his best player in Gordon. Chad hopes to get the final laugh with his new pieces in Aj Green, Aaron Jones, Adams, etc…
Chad Week 12 Grade: B, He barely got the W but continues to revamp his squad late in the season. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. For the first time all season while writing up a recap for Chad’s team, Gabe did not wank off.
Chris Week 12 Grade: A+, So close to pulling off the upset and creating a must win scenario for Chad. You may not have much to look forward to the rest of the season, but we’re all looking forward to your recap next week from the transgender Tina Fey.
In the closest matchup of the week, Chad pulled it off in a smaller margin of victory than the amount of money in Daniel’s bank account.
Chris was looking to make it 3 straight and fuck up the standings, but a Keke Coutee was one catch away from that being possible. Led by 7 players in double figures, Chad was able to pull this one off by the slimmest of margins. Chris only had 4 players in double figures, but Jackson and McCaffrey combined for 64.92 fps helping him stay in it. Just four short weeks ago, Chad faced off in a matchup vs juggernauts with a 1316.53-1146.08 lead in season long points over Gabe. Since then Chad has scored 547.9 to Gabe’s 868.78, and relinquished that lead by nearly 150 fps. Since trading away Sony, Juju, Cooks, and Cohen he has seen a drop from roughly 150 fps per week to 130fps per week. While bye weeks played a factor, this led to Chad overhauling his even squad further. Trading away arguably his best player in Gordon. Chad hopes to get the final laugh with his new pieces in Aj Green, Aaron Jones, Adams, etc…
Chad Week 12 Grade: B, He barely got the W but continues to revamp his squad late in the season. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. For the first time all season while writing up a recap for Chad’s team, Gabe did not wank off.
Chris Week 12 Grade: A+, So close to pulling off the upset and creating a must win scenario for Chad. You may not have much to look forward to the rest of the season, but we’re all looking forward to your recap next week from the transgender Tina Fey.
Corey trying to tank
BunNun Slammers (118.43) vs Plug and Chubb (96.30)
The tanking Corey continues to win and now finds himself in the 6th seed in a matchup vs Matt, whom he beat week 10.
If Corey remains in the 6th seed, all plans to tank for Love will have failed. Thankfully for Corey, Love’s body failed him and now his injury prospect may allow him to drop to the late first of our rookie draft. Corey literally didn’t even try this week, he benched Watson, Lewis, Olsen, Sanders, Landry, Engram, Carson, and benched his defense with the better matchup. Didn’t matter, because apparently Corey’s bench was still enough to beat Neal by over 20. Neal could only manage 3 double digit scorers, with 26.3 of his 96.3 fps coming from Chubb. After starting 1-5, a 5-1 record has tied Corey with Scott for 6th place. Thanks to playing Dede Westbrook over Jarvis Landry, Corey has the point advantage.
Corey Week 12 Grade: D, Corey earns his first tanking warning of the season with this easy W. Will he still tank now that he is in the 6th seed?
Neal Week 12 Grade: F, Unable to break 100 fps yet again, Neal hopes that he can have a quick offseason turn around, so this time next year he is fighting for a playoff spot.
The tanking Corey continues to win and now finds himself in the 6th seed in a matchup vs Matt, whom he beat week 10.
If Corey remains in the 6th seed, all plans to tank for Love will have failed. Thankfully for Corey, Love’s body failed him and now his injury prospect may allow him to drop to the late first of our rookie draft. Corey literally didn’t even try this week, he benched Watson, Lewis, Olsen, Sanders, Landry, Engram, Carson, and benched his defense with the better matchup. Didn’t matter, because apparently Corey’s bench was still enough to beat Neal by over 20. Neal could only manage 3 double digit scorers, with 26.3 of his 96.3 fps coming from Chubb. After starting 1-5, a 5-1 record has tied Corey with Scott for 6th place. Thanks to playing Dede Westbrook over Jarvis Landry, Corey has the point advantage.
Corey Week 12 Grade: D, Corey earns his first tanking warning of the season with this easy W. Will he still tank now that he is in the 6th seed?
Neal Week 12 Grade: F, Unable to break 100 fps yet again, Neal hopes that he can have a quick offseason turn around, so this time next year he is fighting for a playoff spot.
Dave going over his team name ideas with his co-workers
Dave’s Dank Team (153.24) vs MVPLAYAZ (104.87)
The fantasy gods continue to allow Cory to score over 100 fps each week since he paid his dues.
David’s dank team just got danker with the addition of Melvin the TD Machine Gordon. What kind of haul did he give up you ask? Well it was a 30 year old AJ Green, 29 year old Mark Ingram, and an undrafted rb with 1 good game in his career. David had a good week as he brought in a top 10 dynasty player without giving up one of his top 3 guys. He also all but locked up a playoff spot. Dave won this week with 8 players scoring in double figures, led by Cam and Julio. Cory actually managed 6 double digit scorers, but only Ekeler scored over 20 fps. Cory finds himself at the bottom of the league but has some bright spots to look forward to next year. DJ Moore is looking like a future stud, and Samuel is looking solid as well. You will have a top 3 pick to bring in another potential stud, and still have pieces like TY and Wentz that can bring in plenty of draft capital, or help you in the future.
Dave Week 12 Grade: A+, he finished with the 2nd most points this week, and traded for a top 10 dynasty player who may even return if he makes it to the finals.
Cory Week 12 Grade: D+, Cory looks to have some young studs on his roster. He continues to need to pay more attention to the waiver wire but all in all things are looking up.
The fantasy gods continue to allow Cory to score over 100 fps each week since he paid his dues.
David’s dank team just got danker with the addition of Melvin the TD Machine Gordon. What kind of haul did he give up you ask? Well it was a 30 year old AJ Green, 29 year old Mark Ingram, and an undrafted rb with 1 good game in his career. David had a good week as he brought in a top 10 dynasty player without giving up one of his top 3 guys. He also all but locked up a playoff spot. Dave won this week with 8 players scoring in double figures, led by Cam and Julio. Cory actually managed 6 double digit scorers, but only Ekeler scored over 20 fps. Cory finds himself at the bottom of the league but has some bright spots to look forward to next year. DJ Moore is looking like a future stud, and Samuel is looking solid as well. You will have a top 3 pick to bring in another potential stud, and still have pieces like TY and Wentz that can bring in plenty of draft capital, or help you in the future.
Dave Week 12 Grade: A+, he finished with the 2nd most points this week, and traded for a top 10 dynasty player who may even return if he makes it to the finals.
Cory Week 12 Grade: D+, Cory looks to have some young studs on his roster. He continues to need to pay more attention to the waiver wire but all in all things are looking up.
Matt sucking the soul out of his opponents
Caucasiantron (150.64) vs Titsburgh Feelers (106.60)
Matt dominates himself into third place as the reigning champs struggle for the 3rd straight week.
It may be time to raise the alarms for Sean and Matt P. Three straight weeks now they have scored under 124 fps, and have now lost 2 in a row. Dropping them out of contention for a bye week. They had 5 players score in double figures but none of them broke 18 fps. Matt on the other hand had 8 players in double digits, and put up the 3rd most points with his golden boy Mahomes on bye. Matt continues to have no idea who to play each week as he left 70.10 fps on his bench and two of his three 20 point scorers this week. Matt made a huge trade moving his potential young stud RB1 Jones for more depth and draft capital. Gaining a young WR Mike Williams with WR1 upside, an old yet reliable RB1 in Ingram and a future 1st, Matt continues to make big moves this year putting himself in position to win it all this year and next.
Matt Week 12 Grade: A+, Big wins and big trades have led Matt into 3rd place and turned him into the contender he always thought he was.
Sean and Matt P Week 12 Grade: D-, They continue to struggle at the worst time of the year. They have to hope that they can hop off the struggle bus before week 14, and the first round of the playoffs.
Matt dominates himself into third place as the reigning champs struggle for the 3rd straight week.
It may be time to raise the alarms for Sean and Matt P. Three straight weeks now they have scored under 124 fps, and have now lost 2 in a row. Dropping them out of contention for a bye week. They had 5 players score in double figures but none of them broke 18 fps. Matt on the other hand had 8 players in double digits, and put up the 3rd most points with his golden boy Mahomes on bye. Matt continues to have no idea who to play each week as he left 70.10 fps on his bench and two of his three 20 point scorers this week. Matt made a huge trade moving his potential young stud RB1 Jones for more depth and draft capital. Gaining a young WR Mike Williams with WR1 upside, an old yet reliable RB1 in Ingram and a future 1st, Matt continues to make big moves this year putting himself in position to win it all this year and next.
Matt Week 12 Grade: A+, Big wins and big trades have led Matt into 3rd place and turned him into the contender he always thought he was.
Sean and Matt P Week 12 Grade: D-, They continue to struggle at the worst time of the year. They have to hope that they can hop off the struggle bus before week 14, and the first round of the playoffs.